Morning fuck up.

Seriously?

Don't tell me what to do and don't wake me up. You're not my father you are my father's ex girlfriend's bestfriend who sadly is living here. I like you and all but reality check your words don't mean shit. When I tell you "My alarm is set for 8" Don't tell me "You won't catch the bus in time" Guess what. I didn't because there is only one bathroom but it doesn't matter because I'm changing to online courses. So please, just stay out of my way.

"I am your friend and your sister i would do anything for you even if i was mad at you" This truly means a lot. My sister and I have been hanging out recently. She ruined my birthday in September... and we kind of stopped talking then ever since one hangout we just can't get enough. She truly is my bestfriend. I mean we share secrets and they're HUGE secrets. I really put a lot of trust into her. Also, when my Dad and I move she might be moving back with us!

I'm super bored and very tired. I missed school but I'm just in a terrible bitch mood that I for sure do not want to go. So I'm spending day home and probably going to head to my mom's.

Virgo (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
Some minor improvements to a crucial area of your life are slowly starting to take place. You should now be starting to notice a difference, even if the full impact has yet to filter through.

I love my horoscopes they're always so true but I only read "The Star" cause every other one is bullshit.

Oh but last night I went to Kayla's apartment with my sister and I brought up the topic of who my sister knocked out / gave a concusion... I felt like an asshole when she pointed to the room Kayla was in. Hopefully she didn't hear me.

I'm probably going to go shower now... Yep, I am.

I'll update later.

Fustration.

I AM GOING TO FREAK, FUCK THIS COMPUTER AND EVERYTHING WRONG WITH IT.

The past.

It's catching up. Now that I don't have a certain amount of people in my life anymore it really hurts. I realized how much they mean to me and how much I went in the wrong direction and showed them that I'm just a piece of shit but I'm really not. I just made a mistake. I really wish I could fix things. I just want to be myself again.

Fist of God

New MSTRKRFT cd is actually so good.

I gave my dad some money to go pick me up 649 numbers so hopefully I win at least a decent amount of money. Tonight it's 48,000,000 but I wouldn't mind winning a couple hundred dollars.

I'm very tired and need to sleep but can't. I just want it to be Monday so I can get my SIN card and job hunt. I don't even care how the weather is on Monday. I just need to get out and get a job.

My niece is due anytime. It's fucking amazing. I'm so excited it's unbelievable. I remember four years ago sitting in the hostipal holding my nephew now I get to hold my niece so soon. I've been waiting forever. Time goes by so fast but I'm so glad. My brother's girlfriend had a miscarriage before and she didn't ever want to get pregnant again but she is and the baby is healthy and everything is going so great.

I'm gonna make some resumes now though.

Too many today.

I'll probably regret telling you to go fuck yourself but basically by your actions.. I felt the need to say it.

So please, go fuck yourself and while you're at it grow some balls.

You and me can really break it down.

So I need to make some resumes and go job hunting soon.

Today I went to my appointment and picked my birth certificate. I also left my cigarettes in my mom's car which fucks me over. But I'm quitting soon which is good and I really mean it. I gotta get into shape and get my ass in gear.

My money didn't come today. I'm not gonna lie.. I was really pissed. So basically now I can't get clothes until.. when ever it comes? Which I highly doubt I'll get due to the fact my mom would take it. I can just see that happening.

Anyways, I'm gonna go grab something to eat and clean up. I might have company over. Doubt that too but that's okay.

Once again.

Virgo (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
You have been dealing with a series of entanglements. Things will fall back into place, however, and your life will again make sense.

Rooster (1993 & etc)
Positives: Resilient, Courageous, Passionate, Protective, Patriot, Industrious
Negatives: Blunt, Conceited, Rude, Impatient, Aggressive, Bossy

I love how this is so true.

My life.

Virgo (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
Some factors within your situation seem deeply unfair, which is what you are accustomed to. To best deal with them, it is imperative to be true to your own feelings and let them guide you.

Casual Opps.

Basically, I'd like to just point out if you were trying to offend me... It really didn't work. You pointed out the truth and since I knew it was the truth and agreed with it before you brought it up, your words didn't make an affect on me.

I don't have any classes today which rules. That means I got to sleep in. I slept in only until like 10:30am but still.. it's way better then waking up earlier.

Today my sister may be coming over. If she does that will be good. I could use some company and maybe get my head out of the gutter. I mean all I do is just sleep, eat, shower, school and repeat. It's very boring. I need to get out and stop being such a hermit. Plus, right now I'm super hungry but last night I ate so much. I had a burger, two vegeterian wraps, a bagel and a sandwich... Sup soon-to-be-fatty?

My modem doesn't work in my room for internet which really irritates me a lot. I really need to get on that but before I do that I should work really hard on making resumes. I'm thinking about part-time but yet full-time since I go to school part-time. But I guess for now I'm just gonna work part-time and then in the summer work-full time. I'm going to be working in Kitchener though most likely.

I realized a lot of shit has to change. So I'm kind of just going to keep my distance from people which I really mean this time. Only because it's just putting me back to the beginning which.. isn't going so well.

Thought of someone today and how I kind of miss our relationship but that's the past. I mean he meant a lot to me and I sure felt like I was in love.. but I wasn't. I was a complete wreck. I couldn't trust him and he brought fustration. As much as I loved being around him I hated not being around him because how he would lie to my face. I mean maybe that's the reason why I can't date because I get bullshitted everytime? As much as I'd love to date I can't. I can't commit to something that someone won't commit back.

But there is someone I do really have hard feelings for. I mean I've been kind of into them for half a year but I fucked up which was stupid but lately I have been doing that so not surprised but just disappointed. But now I've come realization there's nothing I can do to even fix the situation not even pouring my heart will help will only make me look stupid and unfortunately has happened. So I'm left with only needing to speak in person but I highly doubt that'll happen to so whatever.

I'm listening to Greg Laswell. He truly is one of my favorite artist. His voice is just touching and listening to him on repeat just makes my day.

I'm probably going to buy some clothes on Friday online from UO and AA. I need some new vnecks and a pair of leather flats that are so cute! Stoked and I'm thinking about a hair cut and maybe going blonde. I'm still debating but yeah, I'll end up doing that most likely.

Truth.

Virgo (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
Life is unnecessarily difficult at the moment. Saturn has been working for quite some time on redirecting you toward an easier path. There is no harm in abandoning old plans. Getting rid of the extra weight will speed things up.

In too deep.

I'm feeling sick to my stomach because everything is just going so wrong.

Dumb.

The kissing bridge.

My grandfather would drive past it on his Harley Davidson and always told me that it was the kissing bridge. This was when I was at least around eight. Well anyways, I've never been in it but apparently it's tradition. I don't know why but I kind of just think it's stupid but yet would love to do it . But whatever. Hahaha I'm sure it's just an amish story. Oh being amish is always so interesting. But no, I don't live like them.. Haha just some of them are my family... Sucks.

Coldest story ever told.

Not in blogging mood. But tomorrow I'm going to fix my plan or hopefully just get a new phone. Bed times. Xo

Chris Brown arrested for assaulting Rihanna.

Hm, that's new. Usually we hear about crack whores and dudes who dig little children.

Anywho, today was a decent day. Other than the huge arguement around noon. Once again... Maxxie came picked me up though which was good. So we went out to eat with Stevil and Samantha at Country boy. Yum!

I've been day dreaming all day... About the usual. Which would rule if it'd stop.

I'm waiting for my father to get home and plus, I'm super hungry. I love dinner so much, only because Maxxie always makes the greatest food it isn't the usual steak and salad stuff. It's just like a bunch of different things which is delicious. Will post picture of dinner tonight later maybe. Depending if I can find my camera.

Anyways I'm going to go give Butterfly a bath.

And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.

xandrewx says:
That really traumatized you huh?

It really did, now thinking about it. I feel dumb and feel so gross about myself. I've lot respect for my own self. I fell for someone for only me to screw myself over. I'm ashamed of myself and hate everything I have been for the past few months.

I apologized to a old a friend tonight. I miss him so much and really wish I didn't fuck up because his friendship meant a lot to me. I've know him for a little over a year now and we've had a hate/love relationship but the past few months ended that relationship to nothing. Not friends, not anything. I wish I could just go back in time.

Any who, I feel no pain right now just confusion.

To a certain somebody, I really wish you could give me another chance and wish things could be how they were. I miss everything about you and thank you so much for the one night we just sat and talked for so long. You gave me plenty of smiles and I'm sorry for doing what I did. I know things will never be the same but that was my fault.

Finished.

Huge plans gone non existence.

I always wanted to be covered in tattoos like my father. But something inside of me is telling me not to. If I could have changed things now, I'd changed getting my tattoo. It cost lots of money to get it removed. So I'm just going to get it covered with something more meaningful.

A classier side - I plan on just dressing really nice. Having a nicer appearance gets you noticed more. I don't mean attention wise or anything like that. For example, If I was to go for a job interview wearing more nicer clothes there is a better of chance of getting the job. If I was to go in wearing an aa sweater, skinny pants, and keds with my hair thrown up. Highly doubt I will have as much as chance as wearing a nicer outfit. Plus, It makes me feel good to.

Healthiness - I plan on not eating fast food as much, only once a month. Also starting to eat lots of salads and not munch down on snacks in the middle of the night. Haha. This isn't to loose weight. I love my body and accept it for what size I am. I also want to start jogging. I'm just going to wait until the weather is nicer. Also I'm going to stop eatting red meat. I'm sticking with chicken and fish.

Lifestyle - I need a good sleep routine and also need to get my ass in gear for when it comes to school. I'm never skipping a day again in my life unless I'm really sick. I also really need to start respecting people and showing them apperication. I also should stop being such an asshole to a certain amount of people in my life. I also need to find away to control my anger instead of lashing out on the people I love.

Relationships - I've gained some old friends back but I don't want new friends. The past is the past and this my life. If you don't like that I'm friends with someone than I'm sorry. I don't want drama. I'm keeping my life on the DL. No shit talking, no arguing and no lies.

I'm ready for a change. A change for success and happiness. If you don't agree with my decisions thats fine because I don't agree with some of them either but from now I'm thinking things through before just doing. I learned my lesson big time from loosing someone I can say is important to me.

Forgive me for not being what you'd like me to be.

The past is the past

But I want it to be the future. I miss you two more than anything.

Things to do.

- Get my Birth Certificate and SIN card.
- Get my hair colored and cut.
- Start wearing my retainer.
- Get my teeth whiten.
- Clean room.
- Work on english.
- Get my nails redone.
- Order clothes online.
- Change schools? Maybe. I have to think about this.
- Get a new phone next week.
- Get a job and save 1500.
- Sign up for acting classes.
- Get my computer at my dad's.
- Get 80 hours of community service hours done (fml)

Eyes on fire.

I just missed my bus. How exciting. That's means I won't get to class on time... actually probably will take me an hour and a half to bus to school and class is only a hour today. Whatever, I've only gone like once this week which isn't good. I'll just pick my work and bring it home and finish it all so that I can at least just get the credit then work on another one.

After, that I'll head by my grandparent's and hangout there for a bit. Poliety ask my grandma to take me to go get my hair done and I'll pay her back when I get my cheque.

Anyways, I went to the mall yesterday and bought some stuff. Then my little sister pointed out that someone was at the mall and I wanted to leave as soon as possible, It was good seeing Zak though! Oh how I miss him.

I'm really tired and feel like poop. I have a half hour until the next bus comes.

OH! I don't have time on my phone, it's so great. I love not having a phone because it keeps away from socalizing with people.

I enjoyed the fact I bit off my fake nails last night. I don't think my dad will be too impressed. But sorry, the dude did such a shitty job.

Well, I'm gonna check my myspace and listen to my song then go.

Won't be long til I get you by my side.

So today has been very interesting. I had to get my furniture from my mothers to my father. The night before she said these words "This will be so good for you". It was suppose to be that way when I lived with her. Funny, huh.

Anyways I feel like a huge dick. My father said I'm not allowed to get a dog until "We get a place of our own" (His girlfriend and him broke up), My reply was "I'm moving to Guelph in July". I think that really hurt him due to the fact I just moved in. I needed to get out of my mom's. I feel bad because he's going to be on his own. He's always had a roommate or my sister and I.

I smell awful and need to shower. I'm getting my nails done tomorrow which is great. Well, I must go now and put my bed frame together .