Always talking about you got.

So basically, I have a terrible bladder infection and I finally found out what from. Which is kind of funny to me. I went to the emergency to get checked out because I was in horrible pain. Couldn't sleep and had very very bad lower pain. I thought it was just pmsing but it wasn't. At least I gotten it take care of. My pills are massive. But things are kind of starting to look worst actually below my ribs are starting to hurt which could possibly mean my bladder infection went to my kidneys. I never had a bladder infection before so that's why I'm kind of all sketch out about the situation.

So basically I decided I really really do need to look for a job. My parents aren't letting me live off there money like I use to. I would get 200 dollars in my pocket and would blow it or go to London or just somewhere. I have a hard time saving money when food is around. I love food.

I'm kind of scared I'm going to be having to watch what I eat so I don't gain any weight. I mean I can eat, eat, eat, and eat... And won't gain weight but that could change. I'm kind of eatting a lot more healthy now. Not a lot of McDonalds or junk food. I'm even not drinking soda a lot. Except yesterday the pharmacist dude told me to stay away from it, I totally ended up going to McDonalds and got a there biggest drink of Coke.


Anywho, I need to shower and what not.

Everything is starting to catch up

and so are my emotions.

I'm scared not only for me but for my family. From having a father who got hit by a van and now is living in pain to having a mother is no longer sane. I love them both so very much and it's hard for me to deal with these situations because I always end up speechless and say "Oh." or repeat the same things I've already repeated.

I feel like an asshole because I want to start my life as a young responsible adult as soon as possible and be independent but hearing my father say things like "I might be in a wheelchair in a few years" Just make me worried and uncomfortable.

I've listened to people tell me I've lived a rough life. I have. I've been through too much then I should have but that's what has made me strong and independent. I know I lack in common sense demartment most of the time but at least I can own up to my mistakes and forgive myself. I've accepted I'm not perfect nor will I ever be.

My heroes truly are the people who have been through the worst and still stand on their two feet. I don't know. I'm just starting to grow up and see the views on other people's lives.

People are different in a good or bad way. I'm done with being so judgemental. Everyone has something they're not proud of and that they are. I realized I'm not proud of having pictures of me... or doing drugs in my past and even hurting others feelings.

I wasn't into hard drugs. I thought it was cool when people said they did "e" and all that stuff. When really it's not. It's just a object to cut off a path in your life and leave you no where. I've tried cocaine, hash, weed, shrooms and had some laced weed. I was stupid and hanging with the wrong crowd. There is such thing is pure pressure and I hate it.

I've had my number with guys and I know lots of people think I'm a whore from my mistake but I don't care. I have my true friends and that's all that matters. The fact that I'm starting to realize 90 percent of you just bitch about something for entertainment is pathetic. Go fuck yourself.

I've accepted my past and moved on with life. I'm happy with where I stand. I have my family and my friends that's all that matters to me.

Stupid.

I understand you may have OCD but seriously.. I want to do my own laundry so my shit doesn't get mixed up or you give it away. Sure, everything was a mess. Only because I needed to find MY clothes because I had plans to go and at least look decent...

Anywho.

Monday - I stayed at home until 7. Went to my step dads and apparently smelled like a bag of weed... Just lovely.

Tuesday - I wokeup and headed to Kitchener with my mom and brother. Met Amanda then went to her place. Hung out had Brady attack me and throw me in the ocean and then we went and got ourselve a haircut.

Wednesday - Which is today. I plan on cleaning my room and being lazy.

Yay.

Oof.

I really should stop lurking. I tend to hurt myself when I laugh too hard.

What a night.

I had a huge cry fest and feel like shit. I'm gonna go be depressed and crawl up in a ball. Woo. Love my blogspot.

My back hurts

UGH

What did you say?

Ugh, I'm home. Had a good week. I've been thinking a lot though. I just need a positive change in my life. I'm done with chasing after someone and especially done fucking myself over because of my stupidity.

My mom said today that she might be getting back with my step dad. I choked on my McDonald's fries and said "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" I'm not sure why but I don't want her to. I love my step-dad lots but I just don't want her to go back with him... I still don't get why.

Anyways, I'm kind of smelly. Cute eh? I need to clean my room and shower. I need to start taking some responsibility for myself to prove I can do things on my own and what not.

I'll probably end up writing more later.

Ugh

Blank.

You spin my head right round.

I'm tired and bored. Worst couple of days in my life ever.

Enough said.

For today :
Virgo (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
Something is wrong and you know it must be put right, but everything you try seems to miss the mark. You're doing your best and that will prove more than enough to achieve the success you deserve.

Yesterday's:
Virgo (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
Not only are you not perfect, you are not supposed to be perfect. You are not a machine. Accept your unreasonable desires and be proud.

My horoscopes scare me because they're so right.

I found an apartment.

Well actually two.
Rent for one is 650 and that includes utilites and the other rent is 390 without utilites. I'm going to go see it (the one for 390) sometime next week. I just have to call the guy and he understands my situation. I just have to get my mother to sign the lease since I am considered a minor. But I'll be paying around 500 dollars a month for rent which is so much better than 650. I'm only renting out one of the rooms there are two so I might have some sketchy roommate or have a friend if I can find one who wants to move. Most important thing is for me to make resumes and find a job because I need the money by the end of April.

Here's the thing, I don't know how to break the news to my dad. I mean.. He knows I might be moving in September but not so soon? I don't know if this is even certain I will have to find out as soon as possible.

I haven't been blogging much but things are going well. I'm not going to school today because I feel like shit and I'm tired as hell. I hate daylight savings it's very rediculous.

So right now, I'm listening to Flo-Rida. So glad this dude is amazing. ;)

Anyways, I'll update more later.

P.S Kayne West - Live. Awful.

I've accepted it.

My little niece is adorable. She has lots of dark hair and kind of slanted eyes. My nephew loves her and it's amazing to see my brother so happy and not being an asshole.

I kind of haven't updated really much which really kind of sucks. I just been feeling like shit hence I have sore throat.

I'm just going to go and attempt to get ready.. if people don't get out of the bathroom. I deal with every morning. Everyone needs into the bathroom. Like HULLOOOOO So do I. There's a bathroom downstairs... Take your shower then shimmy down to it? I mean like come on, Don't take twenty minute showers in the morning. Especially when I'm suppose to leave at 8:30, guess that isn't happening.

This is just my rant, I'll stop now.

Crazy weekend

I spent five hours in the hospital waiting for my niece to be born. I'm not in a blogging mood so I'll update later or tomorrow.

Hummingbird.

Sooooooo, I'm going to Toronto sometime at the end of the month to go to the laser clinic just to talk about my tattoo. Not making appointments or anything to get it removed, just out of curiosty. I am changing my ship into a hummingbird with a bunch of flowers though, with a ribbon that says "Dad" on it. Only because everytime my father is home I hear him humming tunes or singing little lines here and there. It's always been like that and I love my father.

I'm tired and bored and really need to change and I'm using to many ands but whatever.

Uh oh.

My little sister isn't home. No phone call, no nothing, and it's scary.

LOL. Nevermind, she's in her bed sleeping. How weird? We thought she was missing all day.

Anyways, Nothing to say. I'm tired and bored. Went out to dessert with Maxxie and Robin. Had a very boring day. Nothing new. Except missed two classes today which sucks but oh well. I only have one tomorrow.

Was that awkward?

Haven't been up dating due to the fact I really haven't been in the mood but here:

Friday I went to Sebastian's show to give a "Hello" since he was in the city. On Saturday... I slept and Sunday I slept and oh Monday slept.

Last night I slept over at Carrie's. I drank. Knocked over the beer. Laughed. Told someone I was in love with them which is totally true but bad timing. We also played scrabble. Took pictures and yet I'm hoping to get em.

Yup, that's my update.