Christmas

Wont be the same this year.

Dysfunctional.

My family is so dysfunctional to the point it just makes me want to move to another world. If only life could work that way.

You said jump

and so I did.

I cannot describe how I feel towards people anymore. I have no care for what I have said or may have done even if it hurts the people who love me most. I'm starting to just give up on myself again.. I do not want to go through all the same bullshit I did before. It's time for me to get my feet on the ground and to stop laying on my back as if I just got hit in the face by the unexpected. Like they say expect the unexpected but I've been expecting change...

I've made no change, I've made nothing of myself. I've been willing to become a better person but yet I've seen nothing. I'm ready to grow up and make better choices. I always say things like this but I'm really serious this time.

I'm not willing to let my guard down...but sadly I have been. It's time for me just become something instead of nothing.

Why are you,

such a piece of shit?

2009

Stoked on lots.

Wish list.

I'm copying Hazen with the wish list dealio. I'm actually so excited for Christmas and just to be able to spend it with my family! I'm thinking I might spend it with my dad and stay at his place for a whole week. I'm not too sure yet. I'm just stoked on turkey and seeing my nephew!

Anyways, here is my wishlist.



"The walking dead" All fifty four series.


Bane sweater in Youth Large from here.


Max Brooks "World War Z"! Must go with my "Zombie survival guide"



Canon rebel xsi. My grandmother got me a camera, and I'm hoping it is this!


A pack of Arizona green tea so then I can start my green tea diet!

Three months

I still feel the same...

You're my other half.

Where have you been? I miss you more than anyone. Why can't just be my sister and not my enemy. I think the worst of you. I don't stop thinking about how we were younger and we were best friends. We'd pretend to play bank and all those kids games. You were there for me when I OD and ended up in the hospital and you cared so much about me but now it seems like you don't at all. Sure I treat you like shit is seems its just because I'm straight up and you don't like what I have to say. I'm sorry. You went down a shitty path and If I could Id do anything to get you on the right path but I'm trying so hard and yet you're just not letting me. You're "best friend" is a piece of shit. I'm sorry but I would gladly love to spit in her face. You can hangout with your "gangster" friends but realize they're no good. You've had a shitty past yes I understand that fully and you went through hell by the whole fucked up situation but Britney you need to change now. Who are you? You're not the sister I once knew. I just wish you were the Britney I knew that had that long blond h air and went to school and had a job and had nice friends and was beautiful inside and out. I don't want you want me to say? Oh hey, I love you? I do but I can't say it because right now you're not you. You don't understand what you're doing wrong. Dad loves you so much and yet someday it may not seem like it but he does he loves us both so much and you just need to realize that.

Everyone says the inner beauty is what counts most,

What if they don't have that?

I'm on the phone with Emiry, We've been on the phone for three hours. It's 1:36am. I feel incredibly good right now.

Its actually amazing, I misjudged you so wrong. You actually apologized and never thought you were the type of guy to do that especially since I wasn't expecting an apology for anything.

So anyways, I'm hoping that tomorrow I can go get my hair done. I keep spending money that's not even money as if it's the only thing I know how to use.

So this week, I have to go to my school and get signed up for online courses and whatever. Bane is on Sunday, I actually couldn't care if I went or not. I don't even want to go but I made plans with Emily to go and to get bubble tea with Sebastian. We're going super early, so that means McDonalds as usual. I hope to see Brendon I miss him lots and don't want him to move to Barrie.

Speaking of moving, My mom wants to take off to BC. She's always wanted to get up and go. I'm not going if she does do it. But we're suppose to move to Guelph but if my mom changes her mind and goes and does that then it doesn't bother me. Emiry and I have been talking and thinking about getting a place in Toronto. Which would be awesome.

I haven't slept yet.

I'm tired as fuck.

So basically in the next month expect a lot of changes.

Wow

I came to realization that my mother and I are just a like.

That's not what I want.