I hate going to places

because I hate socializing with people especially at the mall. So my father took me to the mall today to buy some boots because I ruined my old ones from salt and probably from London the one day when it was sulshi.

Anyways, I'm very tired / bored. I have to go to clean myself up. I have plans for tonight to go over to Matt's and drink and just hangout. I misses him. Its great that him and I are talking again only because we use to be bestfriends... and then I don't know what the hell happened.

I don't get to see Nikki today, very bummed only because I have to be at Matt's for like 7? So hopefully I can see her some point this week. Oh man do I ever miss that gorgeous mama!

I'm really happy today, good.

Tough it up.

You can get girls wrapped around your finger because of how charming you are. Even though you are, I'm not wrapped around yours . I may miss you and want to make up but please, don't expect me to message you any time soon saying "Oh hey, I'm really sorry..." Because anybody can just say sorry and not mean it. I will find away to say sorry in the future but for now I have other things to do then worry about you not talking to me because of MY stupidity. Hopefully, you'll come around and talk to me again but I don't expect you . I just wish you luck with your music project and hope that everything is going good.

The world keeps turning

and yet I feel more fear.

I'm actually so scared of life. I'm scared of failure and being a nobody. I feel like as if it's the time for me to just step aside for a while. I'm having a trouble keeping myself sane. I'm lonely and I feel as if I brought this on myself and what I'm feeling is the truth. I want the days to go by fast until I'm ready to take the time to see what this world has become but until then I plan on just keeping to myself and finishing high school. I don't even know whats going on with myself right now all I know is I'm confused and frustrated and can only comprehend my decisions so very little. Just writing this is given me a headache.

I hate

you.

Disrespect.

People who steal shit from others. I'm sorry but could you get any lower? People work hard for their shit and what do you do? A cheap shot? Steal from a party? It's actually so disappointing to say some of you were my friends. But now I'm just talking in general. It doesn't matter if it's five dollars or not. Get a job and maybe gain some respect. It makes me so angry when people steal from their families / friends. That's the lowest of the low or when you have six people surrounding one... Yeah.. Life shouldn't be like that. You really should just grow some balls / brains and act like a man / women. Not a fucking piece of shit. I've only had someone steal twenty dollars from me once and it was actually so upsetting to see it was a best friend of mine. I honestly just don't understand why people have to steal to survive or just even feel the need too. Sure we have our days of jealousy but like I said people worked for that.. It doesn't matter if a daughter gets a laptop just for no reason.. Their parents put THEIR own money into it. I don't care what your excuse is. It's wrong and greedy. I'm greedy about money but you don't see me stealing fifty dollars out my mother's purse. I really hope karma comes and gets you but then again.. you'll probably just be right back where you started. With nothing and have more of a craving to steal over and over again. Draw the line.. not the circle. The line gets you somewhere far the circle just gets you right back to the beginning.

New Year

I personally can say what I've done was kind of stupid of me. Actually no I take full responsibility in the stupid department and it was a slut move. I'm tired of getting myself in shitty situations and only making things harder in life. I'm ready to use "common sense" and get my head straight. I fell for a guy and slept with his best friend? I wish I could explain to myself as to why I was not thinking because I know a hundred percent I fucking was not. I know I've screwed up bad but I can't say I regret it. I don't regret anything in life. This was just a huge eye opener for me to think before I do. Which I'm starting to do. I wish I wasn't so brain dead before and realized the consequence in the end. I can't say sorry because sorry just doesn't cut it. A word can't just throw everything to the side and make things better, I have to make things better. Starting of today I'm going to keep to myself and get my head straight as well as school. I just want to be happy again. I haven't been happy since I was in Grade four. I moved to Cambridge for Grade five and met the most nastiest girls ever. I don't mean nasty as in "Ew fuck" I mean as it "Bitch alert". I became best friends with them and started getting into trouble that really fucked me up hard. When I was thirteen I got arrested. Woo. Good job me! I'm totally willing to just forget my pass now and move on. I just want happiness. I wasn't happy in my relationship, I wasn't happy being best friends with people. I was never happy. Everything went wrong. When I OD it changed my life. I can't even go see a counselor for a second time.. I've been to like four counselors. I know I'm bi-polar. I won't take meds. I will never take meds. Only because I do not want to remind myself everyday that there is actually a problem I can't fix without popping a pill. Point is, I'm fifteen and have made too many mistakes. I know I'll make more but yet less if I think.