Hello, Blogspot.

I'm in New Hamburg and its very boring.

Last night I hung with a few friends and we drank, things went from good to shit. It was one of the most scariest nights that I've experience. I won't get into detail because it's really no ones business but I just hope things are okay.

I ended up sleeping at Paisley's. She went somewhere though so Preston and I just went to bed and well I woke up drunk for like 5 minutes and realized that well.. I had a very bad hang over and just wanted to die. I ended up walking to Grandmas and bumping to my mother after so well that's how I got to bum fuck no where.

My mom went out on a date... I mean I really hope this dude isn't a piece of shit if this goes farther then a date. If it does go down hill and he's like the last douche bag... I'm pretty sure I'll never stick around again.

So now I'm sitting here very bored and my mom left me three cigarettes. I'm so bored to the point I think I'll get bored of smoking. I've done that twice today but anyways, I'm gonna go now. My lovely update is over.

Lost of words.

Things are getting worst.. Who I am? What am I doing with my life? And why?

Late on the updates.

So basically lately I've been up to nothing but cancelling things. I need to get my head in gear. I'm so lost and never stick to the things I say I'm going to do. Plus I've been feeling like complete shit.

Have you ever fell in someone and allowed something to happen you know you shouldn't have. I mean I just kind of feel used and my feelings are so confusing. I feel as if I was just another number and nothing else but that number. Not a person, a friend, or anything... Just that fucking one number that will mean nothing.

I put my heart into deep. I mean I'm no longer sane. I'm just a complete wreck. I said the whole I want him as a friend.. which I do but then there's just me yet feeling like I'll now for on be a cyber friend who he'll never talk to.

I don't know, I'm ranting on about stupid little things.

Anyways, I'm thinking of where to get my next tattoo but also am thinking of getting a job. I'm pretty sure this week I will ACTUALLY go out and look. I need something.

Sorry for lack of updates and for this one being retarded. Anywho I'm gonna go lay in bed and wait for who ever is downstairs to get the hellllll out cause I personally look as if the world just shit on me.

Always talking about you got.

So basically, I have a terrible bladder infection and I finally found out what from. Which is kind of funny to me. I went to the emergency to get checked out because I was in horrible pain. Couldn't sleep and had very very bad lower pain. I thought it was just pmsing but it wasn't. At least I gotten it take care of. My pills are massive. But things are kind of starting to look worst actually below my ribs are starting to hurt which could possibly mean my bladder infection went to my kidneys. I never had a bladder infection before so that's why I'm kind of all sketch out about the situation.

So basically I decided I really really do need to look for a job. My parents aren't letting me live off there money like I use to. I would get 200 dollars in my pocket and would blow it or go to London or just somewhere. I have a hard time saving money when food is around. I love food.

I'm kind of scared I'm going to be having to watch what I eat so I don't gain any weight. I mean I can eat, eat, eat, and eat... And won't gain weight but that could change. I'm kind of eatting a lot more healthy now. Not a lot of McDonalds or junk food. I'm even not drinking soda a lot. Except yesterday the pharmacist dude told me to stay away from it, I totally ended up going to McDonalds and got a there biggest drink of Coke.


Anywho, I need to shower and what not.

Everything is starting to catch up

and so are my emotions.

I'm scared not only for me but for my family. From having a father who got hit by a van and now is living in pain to having a mother is no longer sane. I love them both so very much and it's hard for me to deal with these situations because I always end up speechless and say "Oh." or repeat the same things I've already repeated.

I feel like an asshole because I want to start my life as a young responsible adult as soon as possible and be independent but hearing my father say things like "I might be in a wheelchair in a few years" Just make me worried and uncomfortable.

I've listened to people tell me I've lived a rough life. I have. I've been through too much then I should have but that's what has made me strong and independent. I know I lack in common sense demartment most of the time but at least I can own up to my mistakes and forgive myself. I've accepted I'm not perfect nor will I ever be.

My heroes truly are the people who have been through the worst and still stand on their two feet. I don't know. I'm just starting to grow up and see the views on other people's lives.

People are different in a good or bad way. I'm done with being so judgemental. Everyone has something they're not proud of and that they are. I realized I'm not proud of having pictures of me... or doing drugs in my past and even hurting others feelings.

I wasn't into hard drugs. I thought it was cool when people said they did "e" and all that stuff. When really it's not. It's just a object to cut off a path in your life and leave you no where. I've tried cocaine, hash, weed, shrooms and had some laced weed. I was stupid and hanging with the wrong crowd. There is such thing is pure pressure and I hate it.

I've had my number with guys and I know lots of people think I'm a whore from my mistake but I don't care. I have my true friends and that's all that matters. The fact that I'm starting to realize 90 percent of you just bitch about something for entertainment is pathetic. Go fuck yourself.

I've accepted my past and moved on with life. I'm happy with where I stand. I have my family and my friends that's all that matters to me.

Stupid.

I understand you may have OCD but seriously.. I want to do my own laundry so my shit doesn't get mixed up or you give it away. Sure, everything was a mess. Only because I needed to find MY clothes because I had plans to go and at least look decent...

Anywho.

Monday - I stayed at home until 7. Went to my step dads and apparently smelled like a bag of weed... Just lovely.

Tuesday - I wokeup and headed to Kitchener with my mom and brother. Met Amanda then went to her place. Hung out had Brady attack me and throw me in the ocean and then we went and got ourselve a haircut.

Wednesday - Which is today. I plan on cleaning my room and being lazy.

Yay.

Oof.

I really should stop lurking. I tend to hurt myself when I laugh too hard.