New Year

I personally can say what I've done was kind of stupid of me. Actually no I take full responsibility in the stupid department and it was a slut move. I'm tired of getting myself in shitty situations and only making things harder in life. I'm ready to use "common sense" and get my head straight. I fell for a guy and slept with his best friend? I wish I could explain to myself as to why I was not thinking because I know a hundred percent I fucking was not. I know I've screwed up bad but I can't say I regret it. I don't regret anything in life. This was just a huge eye opener for me to think before I do. Which I'm starting to do. I wish I wasn't so brain dead before and realized the consequence in the end. I can't say sorry because sorry just doesn't cut it. A word can't just throw everything to the side and make things better, I have to make things better. Starting of today I'm going to keep to myself and get my head straight as well as school. I just want to be happy again. I haven't been happy since I was in Grade four. I moved to Cambridge for Grade five and met the most nastiest girls ever. I don't mean nasty as in "Ew fuck" I mean as it "Bitch alert". I became best friends with them and started getting into trouble that really fucked me up hard. When I was thirteen I got arrested. Woo. Good job me! I'm totally willing to just forget my pass now and move on. I just want happiness. I wasn't happy in my relationship, I wasn't happy being best friends with people. I was never happy. Everything went wrong. When I OD it changed my life. I can't even go see a counselor for a second time.. I've been to like four counselors. I know I'm bi-polar. I won't take meds. I will never take meds. Only because I do not want to remind myself everyday that there is actually a problem I can't fix without popping a pill. Point is, I'm fifteen and have made too many mistakes. I know I'll make more but yet less if I think.